Yep...you read that title right! Little Muffin...ate my sisters shoe! I woke up Saturday morning because Lucas decided that I had to tinkle right that very second pretty early. I scooted out of bed, trying to avoid waking my sleeping husband and was excited that I had succeeded. I walked around the foot of the bed and there was all of this black stuff on the ground...well, the room was still in shadow, so I knelt down to get a closer look...and I am like, what the hell is this?? And out of the corner of my eye, I see something that I didn't recognize...so I look a little closer....and my sisters shoe has been chewed up...it is now an open toed shoe, with no heal. Now, I am little pissed, but more afraid of how badly my sister is going to kill me when she finds out that my kitten ate her shoe. And I know it was Muff because I caught him with a piece in his mouth. So, I pick up all of the tattered shoe pieces and go to the kitchen to throw it away...and there is an empty bread bag on the floor. I find 2 hot dog buns, half eaten. The little shits ate the hot dog buns! Now, please realize that I put the bread in the cabinet, because my cats have this unappeasable hunger. I don't set myself up for this kind of stuff anymore. Well, Jeremy doesnt believe in avoiding disasters. He prefers to meet them head on and smash into them. So, before I can even stop myself, I hurl the shoe pieces across the linoleum kick all seven of their little food bowls into the corner of the kitchen and scream. No words, just a straight up, horror film scream. They scattered like roaches when I topped that with a full fledged run back to my bedroom, where I slammed the door to keep the little nasties from eating me.
I fling myself into bed and furiously kick the blankets back over me. And Jeremy rolls over and says "So, you saw the shoe?" Saw the shoe?! Hell yes I saw the shoe, and the hot dog bun wrapper...and everything else you can possibly think of. Now the seriousness of the situation hits me. My sister will KILL me. Kill me until I am dead. While I am thinking about all of the evil things she can do to me, my cats are literally throwing themselves into the closed bedroom door. And Bjourne is looking at me with this wide eyed "are-they-going-to-kill-me" look in his eyes. Jeremy gets out of the bed and I grabbed him by his boxers and begged him not to go out there, its too dangerous!
At this point, I have to call my sister. Well, the little winch wouldnt pick up the phone. So, I call my Mom. And she laughs at me. Yes, she laughs at me. Does she not see the seriousness of this situation? That is one terrible cat to chew a shoe like that! Hes like, half velocirapter! Jeremy finally takes pity on them and feeds them and then chastises me for not feeding them! Well, how can they possibly be hungry?! They had a SHOE and HOT DOG BUNS!!! Theres no way they could possibly be hungry.
Then the phone rings and its Jennifer. Poor little, Pestie. I had to tell her about her shoe. After I explained to her that at this point, killing me equals a double homicide, I tell her about her shoe. And she really wasnt that upset. Until she got to my house an hour later and saw the shoe. Then she was ticked. So, she bagged it in a freezer bag and marked it as evidence and took home to DNA test it and show my father what happened to her shoe. According to my father, little Muffin was found innocent among a jury of his peers. Yeah, right. I am going to kill that little sh*t if I catch him doing that again!
Which leads me to yesterdays story. I get up and Jeremy has left the papertowels off of the paper towel holder, which is an absolute no-no. Because I don't like it, and the cats will tear them up and scatter them throughout my house. He leaves the lemon bars I made from scratch on the edge of the counter...does he not realize these cats will knock those off, figure out how to open the container and eat them? They will jump at it until it falls off of the counter! He sets himself up for failure! So, I fussed at him about that and he refused to admit that I was right. Well, while at my parents, I went to drain the noodles for the mac and cheese, and Jeremy was holding the collander, and I ACCIDENTLY dumped a little boiling water on his left index finger. So, all I heard all night was that I burned his finger slam to the bone because I was mad about the paper towels.
Whatever, right? I will definitely post pictures of the shoe...so keep an eye out!
2 comments:
Do you have 2 dogs or three???? What are you producing over there in the back woods? Is he half dog half cat? If they deteethed pets I would tell you to have it done to you demon cat/dog.
I told you...he is in the middle of an identity crisis!! I think he thinks hes whatever he wants to be that day! As you can see, he is cute...
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