Life....what is it really?

Lorelei, you are so punished for getting this thought in my mind, and after thinking about it, and reading your blog, I think there are 2 ways that life can go....does everything go around and happen by chance? Or only one way that was always meant to be? I don't know. But, looking out of the eyes of a 23 year old, theres so much ahead, so can we really make a decision and say we know all about life? I dont think anything is ever done in vain. And as long as you can face and live with your mistakes, its going to be okay anyways. And you have to realize that people are going to talk. And they are going to say things that are just hurtful or mean spirited. And thats their problem, not ours.

My last day at work will be April 21st. I am a little excited, but I am a little sad too. I will miss everyone I work with. We are all friends here, above all else, and I will miss joking with them. But its for Lucas' health and my own sanity.

I have my family baby shower on Sunday. I am so excited. I get to see family I havent seen in awhile. And get to chat with them...Who knew? Wedding, babies and funerals bring us all together!

Well, I guess I better get back to work...work?? Its a beautiful day outside...and its Friday...what is work???

Tuesdays Child is full of Grace....

Unless of course, you are pregnant, than you arent very graceful at all! I have been putting a lot of research into nursery rhymes as one of the shower games for this weekend, and I have been reciting them all. As a kid, I could recite 552 nursery rhymes at a time, and never forget them, and now, I am like, Oh yeah, thats how that goes. I am so retarded!

We have now nicknamed Maverick, BRAT PUPPY. Because he is. He cries if you dont let him do what he wants, he cries if you make him settle down to avoid popping a stitch, he goes all vicious on Bailey, who could eat him like half a sandwhich...the list goes on and on. But hes so cute doing it!

I am trying to decide what date I am going to say enough is enough and stay home from work. This is my first child, not my second, and I am so tired, and it shows some days, and I would love to have time to get the house in order, to get the things done that I want done before I have this child. I need to have a tentative date before my check up on Thursday with the doctor. I am having little anxieties all of a sudden. I took the virtual tour of the hospital and felt panic slowly rising...but I can do this. I am woman! But I am tired. Thats all I can say.

My cats are driving me nuts. Last night is just another example as to why they are about to find themselves somewhere other than my house! I am sitting (okay, sprawled.) on the couch watching the end of Super Nanny. And here comes Haylee Marie tearing down the hall from the baby's room...and she shoots up the leather chair and onto the curtains in one fell swoosh of claws and fur and ends up balanced on the top rod of my valance. Now, my temper flares, because she knows better, the trifling witch, so, I pick up the empty water bottle that I had just finished and I threw it at her. I could not have made a better shot if I had aimed! It goes *DONK* right in her hard head, and she falls and of course, tears down my valance, and my blinds. The destructive little nasty. So, that really pissed me off. See what happens when you lose your temper? You make the situation worse. Jeremy is hysterical laughing at me, and I am chasing after her. She got away, only because she can run faster than I can waddle. The bitch. So, shes been avoiding me since last night. Muff won't leave things alone. One day, its my shoe, the next its socks, the next its panties. There is no telling what I might find out when I open the front door. Its kinda of like a nasty little surprise. Everyday.

Who knows what I will find today...

I have nothing clever to title this...

I know, I know, you are all disappointed because I have no clever title to put on this blog entry...but its okay, today has been a rough day. I took Maverick to the vet this morning for his hernia surgery so my Mom didnt have to. And he cried, and as I left the vets office, I wondered if he would be coming home. I haven't heard anything, so no news is good news...I will call at 2:03 to see how he is doing. Hopefully, its all good, and hes okay. So, that was an emotional thing, considering my Mom said to me as I put him in the carrier..."He better come home" and I think she was on the verge of tears. She loves that little puppy. Then, I try to call Jeremy because I am 8 months pregnant and I am emotional anyways and I was feeling a little sad, and I can't in touch with him, and I think hes playing games with me...so that upsets me more. I stumbled getting out of the truck when I got to work, and my water bottles rolled under Prayongs truck, so I had to get on the ground and get my water bottle, so I know I looked like an idiot out there, or a beached whale flailing around on shore trying to reach this water...and fine, I will admit it, I got in the truck and cried for a few minutes before I came into the office. So, now that I have moved on from that situation, I think I am okay. The e-card from Amber really helped me smile. Thanks Amber!

Blue is supposed to be delivering gravel to my driveway this afternoon and a second load tomorrow, so I am excited my driveway will be fixed. I need to get out in the yard and start cleaning it up, but I am so tired right now. Bailey is doing better on his paw, apparently, he just sprained it or something. I am still keeping an eye on it though, just to be safe...hes such a hyper brat, but hes cute and affectionate.

I started on Lucas' scrapbook last night. It has his name on it. Thats all I got done before I went to bed. Once I get a little more going in there...ultrasounds, and things like that, I will start letting people see it. Its blue and its cute and I love it. I just want to get it started it so that I dont have all of these pictures laying around...

Well, I have an AIA to do, so, I am going to do it, and get this file back to Amber, so that she doesnt think I am trying to keep it or something crazy like that!

What a fun weekend...

Nothing can get you in the spirit of having a baby faster than a baby shower! All the clothes and little shoes and all of that fun stuff, really makes you want to have your baby sooner as opposed to later.
In case it wasnt obvious, my co-workers had my baby shower this past Saturday. I got so many cute outfits, a stroller with an infant car seat, the crib set, the mobile and all kinds of cute blankets. I hope Lucas appreciates all that they did, because I know I sure do! I dont think I could have said thank you enough!

I was kind of tired Saturday after the baby shower, but Jeremy got to come, so it was good for us to spend some time away from the house and all of the drama that comes with it. I did do some cleaning yesterday, not as much as I usually do, because I get out of breath real easy now and I get dizzy, too. So, I have to kind of tone it down. But its definitely a workout. My Mom fusses at me all the time to stop it. But she just doesnt understand. I have to vaccuum, I have to sweep I have to mop floors. I cant have nasty floors. I have a baby on the way. I know, I am such a headcase.

I am taking in Maverick (the little puppy my mother wants to keep) on Thursday for his hernia repair surgery. Lets all hope it goes well. He so cute...and vicious. Bjourne better watch out. That 4 pound pack of dynamite could whip him good!

Bailey is hurt, according to Jeremy. He said he isnt putting any weight on his back right leg, so I am going to go home and see what thats about. He was kind mean about this morning. He came in and I was still laying in bed. I asked him what he was doing because he had this look on his face. And he was like I am looking for my belt. And I said, oh, Okay, its over in the corner. And then out of nowhere, he says "Bailey's hurt." In this, in case you care type tone. And I am like whats wrong. And he tells me. So, I tell him I will call him when I am headed out to the office. We talked about it, and we both realize it will be Friday before he can get to the vet. So, I am going to check him out when I get home and see what I can see. But Jeremys attitude really hit me wrong. Maybe because I am pregnant. And hes like, well, you are already paying to have the surgery for the puppy. And? I will still take care of Bailey. No problem. Whats the deal? I think he was just worried and it came out wrong. I am pregnant, I can be a bit hormonal and I suppose attitudinal myself. So, we'll have to see whats the matter with Bailey when I get home. Hopefully nothing too serious.

Well, I am going to get back to work. Its close to going home time...and I am looking forward to it!

Its Friday...its Friday...its Friday-o

Its Saint Patricks day, and according to my boss, it has to be shamrock green, not highlighter green. So, those of you who think green is green, you are wrong. Robert, the green expert, knows his shades of green! And you will get pinched! And the little imp, tried to break one of my plants leaves to wear on his shirt! I threatened to take him out at the knee caps!

There is this little puppy here who needs a surgery to repair a hernia. And I am going to help him get it. And somehow, everyone got this idea that I should be a vet. They even printed out information on it. And its a great idea. But I never say die, and I would be so devestated if I couldnt save someones pet. And I know that that is part of the job...but I just dont know. It would definitely be a good job for me, thats for sure. I already have a pretty good knowledge of animals, and I can tell by how they act what could be wrong with them. But, I have to have my son, and get Jeremy through school, and then I will decide on my dreams and exactly what I want to be.

Well, I have been dealing with the puppy and my father is here, so I am going to sign off until Monday...and then I will tell everyone about the baby shower!

Wow! Time flies when you are having fun!

Wow! I cant believe how long it has been since I have managed to write in here. But things took a somewhat drastic transformation at work (for the better, I am starting to believe.) and I have just been up to my eyeballs in work and I love every second of it! So, as you can tell, things have improved at work, immensely.

Things on the home front are okay...I am ready to have Lucas, and here I am at 31 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Its the final count down, I guess you could say. I still dont have a lot of things I need, but I have a baby shower on Saturday from all of my co-workers, so I am sure that I will find that they will be more than helpful in getting me what I need. Its funny...I dont have very many revelations or anything to really type about. Usually, I am full of griping and what not, but not today. Isnt it funny how a change of scenery can refresh everything for you??
I am still working on getting Lucas' nursery put together. Thats been fun. But I have already done so much, that as of now, I am kind of twiddling my thumbs. I am still tired when I wake up in the morning, but nowhere near the mental exhausted I used to be. And its great. I am supposed to have my bag packed already. But I dont. I think I am rebelling. Well, maybe I am just lazy and I havent taken the time out to do it. Hmm. Shame on me. I am a little concerned about Jeremy in the delivery room. Sometimes, he tries so hard to be helpful, and I wind up in a rage and want to do terrible things to him. And when I am in excruciating pain in labor...I am sure I will want to choke him. I am looking for a nice pajama set or nightgown to take to the hospital. I dont think Jeremys t-shirt is really appropriate attire after the birth of my son. I will check around Wal-Mart and see what I can find. It has to be comfortable, thats for sure.

Well, I am going to sign off for now, and get some more work done. I am hoping to keep up with this now like I used to...keep your fingers crossed...

Its Friday and I am a terrible mother!

Yes, thats right, I am a terrible mama! I had to take my little Haylee-Bug to the vet this morning to get spayed, and needless to say, she was like the tazmanian devil in a crate! She wouldnt go in at first and we had a little fight until I finally got her in. She cried the whole way to the vets, and once I got there, I think we both needed to be sedated!I had to inform the vet not to remove her from the carrier without a full bodied hazmat suite. So, I am a little worried about her. Shes so little...once they spay her, there wont be anything left!

Today is Trish's last day. And the office is like a ghost town. One co-worker is out for her daughters surgery(keep your fingers crossed that all goes well.), another co-worker is out for her sons surgery...(my brother-in-law, no call yet on how that went...lets hope for the best....), the workroom is closed...so, its pretty quiet...

I had my check up yesterday with Dr. Jafri. We went over my birth plan, and he said everything looked pretty reasonable and he checked little Lucas' heart, and that seemed fine. My blood pressure was fine. Everything was fine. I am a little discouraged by my weight gain but I am self concious anyways...and I am all Lucas, I think. I also registered at the hospital so when I am in labor, all I have to do is show up and get ready to have my little darling...I must vent....I hate that car commercial where there are 6 women in this really nice car, and they get out at the restaurant, and Ms. Perfect Size 0 hands the valet her keys and says "You'll take care of my baby, won't you?" And you know its an inuendo...and all six women are pregnant...and all six women are size -2. It makes pregnant women like me feel bad about ourselves...and I am almost certain the little skank has one of the fake pregnancy bellies strapped around her stick thin figure, but still...I look like I swallowed a watermelon that could win the biggest melon constest. I just needed to vent that....

Well, I am going to get back to work...I have a lot to do today....

The first Day of March...

Today was kind of hard for me...for starters, I am thinking my mucus plug is in my nose again. And I am tired. I am so tired...but it seems so unfair to stay home and actually rest.

Things seem to have gotten better at work...at least for now. I am just taking everything one day at a time. Thats the way it is. I am going to do what I can in 8 hours and the rest will wait until the next 8 hours.

However, things on the home front have started to boil. The last few weeks have been bliss. Jeremy and I have really gotten closer I think. We spend more time together at night and on the weekends. We cuddle on the couch and watch a little bit of tv. Its been great. But given our track record it cant last. We argue and bicker...but we never stay mad for long, and to the outsiders, it might seem like we dont get along...but passions run high between us, be it love or anger, and I have just reached the conclusion that in the end, thats just the way we are. We fight but we get through it. And it doesnt matter what we were arguing about last night, but it was still upsetting. Hes tired and I am tired and it isnt working. We are having a difficult time meeting our obligations and keeping up with the house. Theres not a lot of extra time right now for just us to be us. Someone else always needs something, and its just so hard.

Well, I have a lot of work to get through today, because Monday and Tuesday were training days, so now I have the 2 days work to get done.
Until tomorrow....