My revolution...

Welcome to my revolution...

I have been really putting some thought into what my New Year's resolution will be. 2005 has been jam packed with a lot of fun times, full of the daily drama, and it had it's hardships too. Most of all, I am excited to end the year and move on so that I am just that much closer to meeting my son! This is my one resolution...to do this without any fear. To become a parent and do it knowing that I will make mistakes, but it will all be okay in the end. This is a really big chance for me! So, for 2006, we are going to live, to love everyday because its a brand new year!

Now that I have posted that, I must move on to lament...please explain to me why men try even LESS to make you feel beautiful when you are pregnant and the size of a small humpback whale? Don't get me wrong, I am not a conceited person, but it really is depressing to get out of the shower and look in the mirror and see ugly red stretch marks around your belly button and your hip bones and the top of your thighs where there used to be pale smooth skin. And then, when your husband calls you by that adorable little nickname you used to like, you know the one, "Jellybean" you are so offended you contemplate chasing him with a hammer. So, he proceeds to tell me that my belly isnt that big, really. And I said, compared to what? The other women in the doctors office that are ready to pop? Jeremys like, well, they have big bellies for pregnant chicks. For starters, most of them would not appreciate being called chicks, secondly, they are like TEN months pregnant. I am 5. I swear, he does nothing to help out the low self esteem you have some days while pregnant. I hope Lucas appreciates this...I thought the human body was a temple, not an art canvas!

I have been having issues sleeping lately, and it sucks really. I get so tired by 7 at night, that I am sure I am just a brat about everything. Last night, Jeremy and I went to go over to my Moms and I was fussing at him because he left my tea pitcher on the porch (he uses it to take Bailey water) and I was so busy fussing that I didnt pay attention to the fact that I moved my soda to rest under my arm, that I was trying to juggle my purse and push the screen door closed that I dropped my can soda on the porch. And of course, I just stood there and watched it fizz all over the wood and then proceeded to blame Jeremy. It was all of his fault because he made me mad and I got confused and dropped my soda. So, I cried, and he laughed at me. Ha Ha very funny. I bet it wouldnt have been so funny if I had kicked him in the shin, huh? I couldnt drink it, it fell on the porch, it had nasties on it now. He set it on a table out there, and this morning, I swear that can of cola was mocking me.
These episodes of despair have been happening to me more and more lately. Its almost as if I am on a timer, and something sets it off and I am either in tears or in a depressed state of mind. Ususally I get over it relatively quickly, but it still happens. Maybe its lack of sleep. I am not sure. But I know one thing...Jeremy is going to divorce me if I dont stop being so hysterical over crazy stuff...I wonder if that falls under the irreconcible differences?

Christmas is over...

Wow! All of that hype and build up, and its all over. I am a little depressed. I love the lights and the decorations and all of the pretty wrapped gifts, and everyone spending time with their family, and it just seems so cruel for it to all be over with in one day.

My Christmas morning started out kind of bad. Bjourne was sick and throwing up...I guess I really shouldnt have given him that tiny bite of cheesecake. Poor puppy, had us up at 6 am. And of course, as I enter my 20th week of pregnancy, sleeping is about as elusive as shoving my pregnant @$$ into my old pair jeans! So, I couldnt fall back asleep and basically napped until 8, when Jeremy couldnt stand the suspense any longer. What can I say? Either Santa thought I was a REALLY good girl, or he just likes naughty girls...either way, I got a diamond necklace for Christmas. Thats right, Jeremy gave me a diamond necklace. And boy was I surprised! What girl doesnt like to get pretties for Christmas? My sister got me a pink pair of timberland boots, and Charlie gave me my DVD set, my parents gave me my bug shield and window guards for my truck that I have been wanting forever, my inlaws gave me so many nice things that it would be a sin for me NOT to brag about them, but it was so much, I am not sure I could type it all...lets just say they were beyond generous to me and Jeremy. My aunt gave me the cutest baseball outfit for Lucas, and an ornament and a $50 gift card to the mall. She got Jeremy some electronic dommafluch, I dont know what it is, and a really nice quicksilver shirt in addition to a combined gift of $30 to AMC. I swear, I really am spoiled. And I was grateful for everything that I did receive...but I was MORE excited over what I got everyone else! I have to admit, the gift my brother-in-law Larry gave me was the most touching, and I think it was a mixture of the fact that he put so much thought into it and it really was the most perfect gift: he gave me a starter set for Lucas that has his first piggy bank, his first curl and his first tooth box. Only both little boxes say first curl, but its okay, I loved it. He was concerned about it, but I wasnt. I guess he wanted it to be perfect, but it couldnt have been more perfect. So, remember Lucas, uncle Larry gave you that wonderful gift with your first piggy bank in that cute little blue color.
I will try to take pictures of all of the loot tonight and boot them up on the computer tomorrow and post them here.

Until then... I really did have a very, very, merry Christmas!

And then there was chaos....

This morning was not the best morning. I woke up a little later than I should have...it seems when I wake up at 3 in the morning to tinkle, it jacks my whole schedule up. I really think that Lucas and I are going to have to come up with some kind of agreement about when it is acceptable for him to stomp my bladder and when it isnt.
So, by the time I got up and fed the cats, the bad morning started to unravel.

My little Haylee Bug didnt eat which is beyond unusual for her, usually, shes the first one in the food bowl when I drop that spoon of friskies in...I am wondering if maybe she wasnt hungry, or maybe she didnt like the flavor of the morning...but shes usually not picky. Then I shut Smudge's tail in the dresser drawer, and she cussed me. Then Muff and Merlin managed to knock the speaker on themselves, and it landed on Jeremy's playstation. I guess I'll hear about it if the damn thing is broken. Little Missy wouldnt get out of the bathroom sink so I could wash my face and brush my teeth. Jinx and Merlin were fighting, and Samantha kept trying to beat up Bjourne. It was like a zoo. Then I go to put Bjourne in the kennel and he gives me that sad face, and I felt like a terrible mother, then I get outside and Bailey is looking for treats that I dont have, because I was rushing and forgot them...its drama...
I suppose that since I have talked about my cats, that maybe I should introduce everyone to them...I will get pictures of them posted soon....

Samantha: She is 17 years old, and is basically an old crotch. She wants to eat, sleep and occasionally be petted, but for the most part, she wants to be left alone. I love her though! I took her with me when I left my Mom and Dad's.

Smudge (SKA-mudge as Jeremy calls her.): Shes the second cat I adopted because she was hanging around my parents house, so my sister scooped her around this time last year and brought her to me. She is black and white, with a black smudge across her nose...hence her name. She has an attitude...she likes to give me this look when I call her names like "Oh, no she didn't" and I can just see her head bobbing with it! I think in a past life, she was a black woman who didn't take any crap. She likes to beat up on Little Missy. If their dry food dispenser is empty, she will smack it and run and then rub up against us, fussing the whole time. She only talks when shes irritated with you.

Little Missy: The name says it all. I have a co-worker to thank for this addition. She was a beautiful calico that was just roaming around outside when my co-worker decided that I needed to adopt her. So, after some conjoling from me, Jeremy agreed we could have 3 cats, but no more. So, I took her in, and we found out that she had tapeworms so bad that eating wasnt helping her much...I took her to the vet, and she had a place where her back paw had literally been ripped away. The vet wrapped it and gave me some anitbiotics and we took her home. 2 weeks later she looked like she had swallowed a canteloupe. And I realized she was pregnant. No good deed goes unpunished. After a month and a half of feeling these babies moving inside of her I was already attached. She gave me three beautiful babies, and I kept them all. Jeremy stayed with her all night after her water broke while she was in labor. After she had them we took her in to get her spayed, and to repair her leg, and we found out that she had cancer in that leg. So, far, it hasnt come back, so I think we are doing good! Shes a talker, she doesnt like for me to be mean to Jeremy, and she gives me an earful if she catches me.

Jinx: He is Missys kitten. He is white and orange...almost the orange of a creamsicle, and he has satan in him. He got his name, because in the beginning, no matter what, we were keeping him, and Jeremy and I thought that at the same time. He is a pig, loves canned cat food, chips, milk, chunky monkey ice cream, and doritos. Hes a trouble maker but hes getting better.

Haylee-Marie (I call her Haylee-bug): Looks like Missy only shes not a calico. She has black swirls throughout her grey and white coat, and she had big expressive eyes. She loves to cuddle and eat...every now and then she gets into trouble. Shes kind of timid and shy, but shes sweet.

Merlin: He got this name because when he was kitten, you would see him and then you wouldnt. He was really good (and still is) at disappearing. He is a beautiful cat. I dont think a camera could catch it as much as you see it in person. He must have had a different Daddy, or he looks like Daddy, I am not sure. He has long hair (the other 2 and Missy are short haired) he has a silver/grey coat that has some coffee color running through it, and his coat is as soft as silk. Hes got the most beautifil eyes...they are amber with emerald green bursts around his pupils, and his face is sculpted...almost as if someone made his face in a mold. He really is beautiful. He carries his tail and his head high, he has a unique meow, and sometimes, I think he thinks hes royalty. And his paws are huge! He is going to be a big cat when he gets to be full grown. But he walks like Missy, silent and prissy.

Muff: This little fella came from Wal-Mart parking lot, eaten up with fleas and tape worms when he was only 8 weeks old. Hes orange and striped like a tiger, and pretty much my baby. He likes for me to hold him and he likes to curl up in my arm at night. We are still getting to know him and his little quirks. He develops new ones everyday. He has a fettish for Jeremys socks and my panties...you have to watch him. Right now, he puts them under the Christmas tree, and if you try to take them from him, he growls and runs with them. You have to wait until hes finished with them. Hes in his destructive phase right now, so I am trying not to kill him.

Bjourne: He is a siberian husky/lab mix, and he is my baby. I spent months searching pet finder for the perfect dog for Jeremy (at that time, I was not a dog person.) And I found a readhead siberian husky. We got in the car and drove to VA Beach, only to discover that she had an injury and couldnt be moved. So, Lynda had her husband come up with Bjourne. As soon as they pulled up, it was like love at first sight for Jeremy. Bjourne lept out of the kennel they had him in and ran to Jeremy. He came from a shelter in Cacapon West Virginia, where he had been hit with the but of a pistol on his head. He has a scar on his nose that was still healing when we took him, he had a cut above his left eye, and one inbetween his eyes. But he was so loveable and so trusting of us right away. We spent thirty minutes in the Hardees parking lot, and I didnt want to leave him. Lynda let us take him, and I donated $125 to her rescue, but that didnt cover his neuter, his shots, his travel from WV...but I got him. And I am telling you what, my mom is terrified of dogs after seeing her mother attacked when she was a child. And at first, Bjourne was only 10 months, so he was still a puppy, and he walked up to her and put his head in her lap and let her pet him...shes fine with him now. So is Dad...even though when Dad first saw him, he said "Thats not a puppy, thats an elephant.." Bjourne is 70 pounds of hard muscle, and oh so protective of me and Lucas. I love this dog, and I can't help but indulge him. I make babysitting arrangements for him if I am going to be busy after work. My parents will take him or Jeremys parents will take him...and they both say he is so well behaved. I really love this pup.

Bailey: He is a three year old german shepard that I took in to foster (and I guess I am keeping) in August. He came from a backyard in Alabama 2 weeks before Hurricane Katrina hit. He was about starved to death. His balance was off, he was so sick that any food we gave him went right through him. He had never been socialized, he didnt know what treats were, and hes still figuring some of them out. I am thankful that we agreed to foster him, or he would not have survived Katrina. He stays in the yard on a tie out in the doggy condo Jeremy built for him, includes carpet, and hes happy. Hes putting on weight, but hes still got a ways to go. He prefers being outside then being inside, and I have come to appreciate and admire his good qualities. Its not his fault that he was rough when we got him. Hes a beautiful red and black, and his winter coat had come in so beautiful. I think we have basically decided to keep him.

Well, thats my brood. As soon as I can get them loaded out of the digital camera, I will post pictures here of them...until then, I have to get some work done.

Santa's got a brand new bag..whoops, thats me!

I went Christmas shopping last night with my best friend Carla, and while out and about, I was pleasantly surprised. At first, when she mentioned that she needed to go to the mall, I was terrified we were taking our lives into our hands, but I agreed to go, and figured we could tough it out together. We went to the mall, and I was actually surprised at how much more accomodating and nice it was. They have been doing some remodeling, and the aisles are bigger to accomodate more people, it was flowing nicely, people werent tripping over eachother. The lines were long in some of the stores, but for the most part, people were polite and courteous...it was almost scary!
They have some new stores which are nice, a little too expensive for my I-am-having-a-baby budget but they were nice. I found some of the cutest little boy outfits in the Gap. Jeremy is going to hate me! I am so going to pimp this kid out! Especially with the matching outfits with the shoes and the handsome little pants and shirts...it was great. I am really excited.
At our company lunch today, I rightfully stole a nice luggage bag that I plan to pack to the hilt full of baby supplies. So, between that and my suitcase, I should be set...if not, I have a duffel bag. I would really like to find some really nice and comfortable nursing pajamas that I can wear after delivery in the hospital. I want to be comfortable. So, I am on the hunt for those after Christmas.
Until then...I am still avoiding the stores like the plague!

Madness can be bliss....

You know, last night, Jeremy's first Monday night home in months, I really started to realize why I want to choke him sometimes. Theres just too much drama when hes home with me. Maybe because I feel the need to be devious...and start shooting him with the squirt gun we use to discipline Muff, my little hellion, or trip him when he gets off of the loveseat, or yell for him until he comes to whatever room I am in and then tell him nevermind. It's just too much drama.
It all started out with my Moms christmas present. This year, all of us, my Dad, Jeremy, Jenn, Charlie and of course myself all went in to get her a nice amount in a gift card to her favorite place. Well, that favorite place is half the distance to Timbuktu, so, I called and had it mailed. I didn't get it, so I was getting nervous. Well, Jeremy got home before I did, and opened this "important" looking envelope, and it was Mom's present. I was like, "Did you open my mail." No, that was not a question, but a statement. And he's like, yeah, I thought it was from AHS, and I am like, return address clearly says blah, blah, blah, blah (in case Mom reads this.) And hes like, I dont know who BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH is. And I am like yes you do! You think that just because we are married, and I am carrying YOUR child that that means that you can just open my mail willy-nilly. And hes like yes. And I am like, that's fraud. I am tempted to report you, just to prove a point. You are not supposed to open ANY of my mail unless its a DEFINITE bill around Christmas. And hes like, well I can open anything else of yours...and I am like what? And hes like your clothes...so I shot him this look that I had hoped sent him into a puddle of ectoplasm, but it didnt.
After I huffed and puffed about it for another ten minutes or so, I decided to go and take a bath. I am in my bath, and here comes Jeremy, and he hops in my bath. So, NOW, he opens my mail and disturbs my bath. Is there no end?
Then he insists on watching the DUMBEST things on tv. Boy, have I got news for him! In another 7 months, all he is going to be watching is Barney and Teletubbies! He watches the dumbest game shows, the dumbest shows...I mean extreme dodgeball? Like I want to sit around and watch a bunch of people bang balls off of eachother...hell, Jeremy could be involved in that at home. I would LOVE to hit him with balls while he runs around! Finally, I just went to sleep.
I have come to the conclusion that sometimes, marriage needs a good referee. Its not being married thats hard, its the living together.
I mean, it's beautiful, its ugly. It's being stubborn and then giving in...and then you wake up in the morning to do it all again...and somewhere in that madness you find bliss...I am still searching for the bliss!

Tis the season to be....humiliated?!

Well, I am so excited to say that all of my Christmas shopping is done, all of the gifts are wrapped and under the tree. Whew! And boy, is my back thankful that I am done with all of that!

I have to tell you before I get into the humiliating part of my weekend what happened to my sister and Charlie. They were coming to my house last night to help me wrap my mothers HUGE Christmas present, and they got hit by deer. No, I am not making this up...this deer hit the back of his car, dented it and ripped out the entire tail light fixture. Now that I know no one was hurt, I think it's kind of funny...gives new meaning to the Christmas song about how someone got ran over by a reindeer!

Anyways, about my humiliating weekend. I am someone where I don't need help being ridiculously stupid. I do that ALL by myself. So, Friday, I left work with the hopes that Jeremy and I would get some much needed grocery shopping and finish up our Christmas shopping. So, I get home, and we leave again, and drop Bjourne off at my parents. The picture above is a shot of my loveable pooch at my parents house, sulking because he was told to lay down and stop antagonizing my Mom's powder puff kitten. Anyways, back to the subject...we get to walmart and Jeremy and are walking in when the little sensors go off. Well, there was about 15 of us going through at the same time, so we all stopped, and one by one everyone filed through. The second my toe touched that part of the carpet, it goes off. So, Jeremy and I step back, and he goes to walk through it, (I am starting to feel like we are trying to enter the courthouse.) Silence. So I walk through it, blaring sirens screaming in a freakish alien tone "Shes stealing, shes stealing!". So, I step back, and together, me, the greeter and the manager search my purse...not because they thought I was trying to smuggle things in but because they were trying to figure out what was causing it to go off. Its never been a problem before. After going through my purse and walking each thing through it individually, we were no where closer to the answer. They asked me if I had been implanted with any medical devices recently, and I told them the only thing I am implanted with is a baby. I take my purse and walk through it...the damn thing screamed like a banshee. They couldnt figure it out, and I was getting a little irritated by this time. So, they mark it down and I continue on my way. We get our shopping done, wait in line, check out, and go to leave. Now, I had been assured that I would not have a problem leaving. Yep, you guessed it...the little evil thing went off on us again. And there was a different greeter. So, not only did we have to take everything we purchased out of all of the bags, and give her the receipt, but I had to open my purse AGAIN. She wouldnt even let me tell her what was wrong! By the time Jeremy and I left that store, I was humiliated and I wanted to go home. I get to my parents and I tell them about it, and my mother was adament that I call and speak to a store manager, which I did. I told her how the first 2 ladies were helpful and were trying to find what was causing me to set it off, but the second lady was rude to me. She said she would take care of it, and the next time I came if that happened, that I was to ask for her specifically so she could help me figure out if its my keys or what. My guess is that they upped the sensitivity to the damn thing and something, be it my keyless entry or whatever is setting it off. But now I am paranoid to go back...its embarrassing to have to be searched not once, but twice. By the time I got home and sat down to eat, I searched my purse to make sure that I hadnt lost a strip in it when I put cd's in it and stuff, and jeremy is fussing at me to stop it, and the next thing I know, I am crying hysterically. Go figure. He should have stopped fussing at me huh?

But that was my Wal-Mart issue, and I am hesitant to go and pick up my prescription on Wednesday...we'll see. Otherwise, it was pretty calm and a fun weekend. Hopefully, this week will fly by quickly...

It's Friday...and thank Baby Jesus, that it is!

I swear, I am so thankful that this week is almost over...I feel like it has just dragged by! And as I sit here, feeding Lucas Doritos, I am thinking of what it will be like a year from now...when hes here...I am just not seeing a clear picture of it...maybe because this is all new to me.

Secondly, people are getting on my nerves! I need to go home and stay there. That way, I have no to blame but myself if I get irritated. I am almost looking forward to labor...12 weeks off? I am all about that!

I added some more items to baby registry last night, now that I know for sure that I am having a little boy...I will be beyond grateful for anything I get...the biggest thing that I want, is I have been looking for a throw rug to put in the baby's room and Babys R'us online has a rug in the pattern I picked out for the nursery...I really want that...if I get nothing else in decor and I get that rug, I will be so happy. Not to mention I will be happy with anything I get!

Yesterday, I was emailed from my Baby Center a birth plan chart. Who knew that having a baby could come with so many options! It's almost like shopping for a new car...you have this option, and that option, this comes standard, but you can have this...it's incredible. I almost DONT want to be in control of the labor. I would rather someone else tell me what to do! So, Jeremy and I have been going over all of our options and trying to select the one that best fits our needs. I get more and more excited when I think about it. I don't have as many anxieties as I did before, because now it's like, this is what I have to go through to meet my son, and that just calms me down...but no, I dont want to see it, no, I dont want to touch his head when he crowns...I just want to get him out and see him...I wonder if he will have dark hair or light hair...so many wonders...thank God it's Friday...I am pretty much worthless today!

The sonnet of the bad wife...

I feel the need to tell everyone how I am a terrible wife.

It all started yesterday...when I tripped off of my pedestal! Jeremy had a migraine, and it pissed me off. Maybe because I am pregnant. I dont know, I was pissed. Please understand my nightly ritual: He has school on Mondays and Wednesday nights. So, he doesnt get home until after 10. So, I leave work at 5pm, drive an hour home, get home around 6pm, and like last night, I had to go to the grocery store. I feed my farm of animals (7 cats, 2 dogs and 2 fish) and no, one of the dogs is outside, and no I dont have a filthy house. I get so tired of people assuming that I live in cat piss and feces because I have 7 cats...this is not the case. I have 3 litter boxes, each of which is scooped out 3 times a day with fresh litter added each time. I dont want to smell my cats. My dog doesnt do his business in my house either. I get so tired of getting judgemental looks from people when I say I have 7 cats. Now, thats off of my chest, I can move on...anyways, by the time I take care of them, get Bjourne in the truck and buckled, and get my Dad, it's 7pm. I race to his house, and start the spaghetti sauce last night. I brown the hamburger, I get the tomatoes and tomato sauce added with the chili sauce and instruct my sister to watch the sauce so that it can simmer while I am the store. I had to take Daddy shopping. So, we end up spending an hour in the grocery store, which is normal for the both of us to get what we need, and it was an enjoyable shopping trip. I get back to my parents to discover that my sister doesnt want to eat my spaghetti. The little ungrateful snot! So, I finish up cooking, eat and get myself together to go home...and I get home, and my husband is laying in the bed. I was angry! I needed him to help me out. He ended up helping, but I was still mad. How ridiculous is that?
So, I fuss at him, and he gets up and he scoops the litterboxes, and he leaves the bag in the back bathroom...whats the point of scooping it?? He had already knocked and exploded the can of PAM out of the cabinet, so he stomps back there to get the bag, and as hes coming out, he stubs his little toe on his OWN m&m car he got for Christmas last year. And he yells savagely at the top of his lungs "F*CK!" I had to laugh, I couldnt hold it in. I just couldnt. I laughed hysterically. And I laughed until I freaking cried.
He didnt come right out and say it, but he thinks that makes me a terrible wife....

Do you drink too much?

As ridiculous as it sounds, a doctor told my husband that he was basically an alcoholic. Yep, you read that right. My husband just recently got his CDL license, which in order to utilize, you also have to have a corresponding health card. So, he works on a nearby base, and he went to the dispensary for his physical.

Turns out he failed...because he had blood in his urine which concerns me, but not as much as this doctors accusations. Jeremy is not a drunk. Jeremy is a "social drinker". I can't even tell you the last time he had had a beer before his brothers Christmas party. Anyways, that night, on Dec. 3rd, he had 4 beers...and I will admit that I was irritated. And I am not sure why. I knew he would drink beer. But I guess I hated that he had to have 4 beers. Maybe I felt that was excessive, but I kept it to myself, and moved on.
He went in on December 7th for his physical, and apparently, those beers were still somewhere in his system. When he went yesterday for the results, the doctor accused him of being an alcoholic.
That bothers me. What an assumption! The only addiction Jeremy DOES have is to Mountain Dew.
Doctors just irritate me...and remember...if you have 4 beers over the course of a weekend, and its the first time you have had a drink in months...you are an alcoholic!

Moving on...I havent felt any movement from Lucas and I am excited to start feeling those first kicks. And I was having some anxiety about labor right before I found out that he was a little boy. Now, I seem pretty much calm about it. Which is good. Maybe because in the end, I know that he will be worth it!

Deck the halls...or a family member?!

Yes, yes, you read that right!

I have a huge family, and see them more than once a year, but sometimes, I think that a good ol' fashioned dose of family is only good around Christmas time...you have to deal with the Grinch if you want Christmas.
My family tends to be very outspoken, and in my opinion, very judgemental. They just say what they want and to Halifax with anyone who has a problem with it...and it just irritates me to no end. I just figured that I would share that. And if you find yourself being overly critical and judgemental to ANYONE more than ONCE then maybe you need to look in the mirror and repeat to yourself ten times: "No one likes a tyrannical, judgemental B*tch like me, so maybe I should straighten up, and stop being ugly...no one likes ugly people either." Ten times, recite it until you believe it and mend your ways!

Anyways, moving on....I think I am going to write a book, and call it "Don't trash my desk when I am gone!" I hate coming back after a stessful day like yesterday and having a huge mess to sort through. Just wanted to get that off of my chest also.

I have some more Christmas shopping to do...and hopefully I won't kill someone before I leave here today!

The Great Mystery...

The Great mystery...the Great debate...makes people wonder "how" the world is created, when the question should be "why" was it created? (Philosophy)

Here it is...the day of reckoning...and my baby has the "Y" chromosome. That's right...we are welcoming into this world a Lucas Riley. Here are some pictures from the ultrasound. I am not going to post the shot they took to prove his gender, because, *ahem* I think it would be detrimental for my son to find out that I posted his privates to the universe before he was even born!

As you can see, in the picture to the right, he was very bored with them continuously prodding him. He even yawned at them...and in the picture to the left, hes contemplating flipping on them. Already my child, already does me proud!

Everyone is soooo excited over this...and I am too...talk about an early Christmas present!

The genetic counseling went good, they decided to test Jeremy for the Alpha 1 gene, and that will decide whether our baby has it or not. Lets keep our fingers crossed that he doesnt!

Other than that, things are fine...my stomach feels like it was used as a punching bag, but other than that, I am great...I couldnt be better actually. I decided to just stay home and I am glad that I did, given the fact that my stomach hurts and I had a terrible migraine. I just wanted to share the pictures of the baby with everyone! As for now, I am going to bed...I am tired....

If at first you don't succeed...try again?

I am feeling a little stressed about the impending holiday season...I have 6 more people to get things for, and I am running out of time and money. Right now, most of my "extra money" (<----- talk about an oxymoron!) goes to my baby. I tell you, this baby better start pulling it's weight! And the days get more and more crazy when it comes to shopping in the stores. At Wal-Mart, I avoid the toy aisle and all those other fun aisles and try to make a beeline for just what I need. People are getting more and more agitated and it shows.

I went to Wal-Mart last night to do my grocery shopping and I wanted to look for something for Karen. As I was bee-bopping through electronics, threatening people in my mind, I see him. My sister's ex-boyfriend. Now, you have to understand what a LOSER, JERK, ABUSER and just plain sorry individual he is...so, I must admit, that even though I never liked torturing ants under magnifying glasses in the hot sun on a sidewalk, I enjoy making him twitch. He apparently works at Wal-Mart now, moving pallets or something...I am sure they gave him that job because its really difficult to screw that up, and I am sure that he doesnt get anything he could possibly break...As I was coming through the photo place, I see him, and I stare at him..not only did he slam the pallet down and almost run away with that wheel thingy the pallets go on, but his face turned beet red...so I had to point him out to my Dad who turned around and looked at him, and it really made him uncomfortable. I am sure he felt like an animal in a cage...if he was an animal...he would definitely be a loathsome weisel.

My little cousins birthday party is Sunday, and I am not looking forward to it. The family drama surrounding my unlce has everyone on pins and needles and we are all pretty sick of it. It's awful how selfish he is being, and I hope I don't have to see him, because I will want to choke him I know. I guess my grandmother cries a lot, and thats not good. I am just so tired of watching him build up her hopes and then tear them down...hes getting pretty good at quitting, but not quitting the bad things, as he should. Anyways, now that I have lamented about that issue, I guess I can move on....

I accidently shut the truck door on Bjournes tail. Well, I am not sure I shut it on his tail or if it got too close for comfort and he let me know. He was fine, but I felt terrible. Maybe next time, he'll move his tail and sit right. I still cried all the way home..it was awful.

Tonight, my plan is to wrap the dozen or so Christmas gifts that I bought last weekend. I have been saying I am going to wrap presents for the past three days, and I just haven't done it yet...so tonight, I am really going to put forth that effort.

Next Sunday, I will be in my fifth month. 18 weeks. My baby will be able to actually hear everything. And respond to light...how amazing is that? And if its a little boy, his testicles are starting to drop out of his abdomen. So, hopefully, on Monday, when I go to EVMS, they will be able to see if there are testicles or not.
Lets keep our fingers crossed!

What is it about the holiday season that makes everyone so...emotional? My favorite radio station does a CHKD radio-thon every year in December. And listening this morning really had me misty eyed. Not because of the struggles these little children are going through, but just about life in general.
I am carrying our first child. What if my child is one of the 6 kids in the neonatal unit? Maybe these thoughts go along with the birth defect screenings I had yesterday in addition to the genetic counseling I am going to on Monday. I don't know. But it really touched me that so many people were pledging to donate $15 or more for 12 months to this hospital, where even the nurses get emotional about the patients.
Then somehow, my thoughts went to mine and Jeremy's relationship. If someone had told me 8 years ago that the new kid in the neighborhood who liked to stare at my butt would one day be my husband and I would be having his baby...well, I would have laughed and probably beat the hell out of them! But here I am, 6 years later, dating for 4 almost married for 2, wondering why I found that so hard to believe long ago. Looking back, it was quite obvious he had a thing for me. He was there as I went through and discarded many boyfriends. And it wasn't until his attention turned to some other hosebag that I actually felt jealousy. I knew this chick had a thing for him, and it just bothered me, because she was more his "type". I didnt really have a type, but she was in to the SKA type thing, and that was Jeremy. I will admit it...I hated her. I H-A-T-E-D her. I hated watching her flirt with him while we stood at my car in the parking lot getting ready to leave school, but letting the buses go first. I know there was one day where I would have gladly yanked every hair from her head strand by ugly strand. Maybe he flirted back to get to me...maybe he really did like her...I don't know and I don't care. Then he found out he was moving, and I felt devestated. Did I say anything? No. Why? Because I just didn't. What could I say? I love you, please don't go? Yeah, right. I didn't even know then if that was the truth about how I felt. Right before he left, we all went to the beach, and he threw me in the water. And I remember that he didnt let go of me...was it because he knew I was terrified of that water or was it because he didnt want to let me go either? I dont know. Then he was gone. But...my sister, the dear little winch, managed to get in touch with him, and the next thing I know, we are together hanging out and then it was official...we were together.
And all of that is wrapped up in this baby I am carrying. Mine and his. Ours. Our life together. How we are good together.
And I have to wonder...is it hormones making me think of this stuff and getting teary eyed, or is it the magic of the holiday season?

AFP Tetra...what you should know....

I wanted to wait and post after I had my appointment so that I would be able to post whether my baby has a Y chromosome or not, but I find that I am very disappointed in todays proceedings. For starters....I had to wait a long time to even get called back. That was unusual. Then, I had to wait to give a urine specimen, and that was killer, considering this adorable little baby of mine was using my bladder as a trampoline.

Then I got my weight checked, and I have gained 4 pounds... I am in my 4th month...not bad, I guess. Then I waited in the room for 2.5 seconds when the doctor came in, felt for my uterus, heard the baby's heartbeat, and shooed me along. Then I had to have blood taken for the AFP Tetra test...the test that screens for Open Neural Tube Defects, Down Syndrome, and Trisomy 18. For starters, I dont think this lady was very good at drawing blood, and once she got started on me, I was certain this was not her forte'. I figured out that it was most definitely not when she jammed the needle slam through my elbow. I swear, she got cartilage. Usually having my blood drawn doesnt bother me, but today, it HURT. So, that woman will never again touch me with anything sharper than a marker!

Last night was a nice night. Jeremy and I ordered pizza from my favorite place in Gloucester and watched A Charlie Brown Christmas and ate pizza in front of the tv. It was great, and it was so cold outside, that I dont think I wanted to be anywhere else.

So...my next shot at finding out my baby's sex is December 12th...lets hope I do! This is killing me!

I hate Mondays...

I used to be one of those people that didn't mind Mondays. Here recently, I have become a Monday-hater. Not for the reasons that many people list as to why they hate Mondays.

I was made anxious over my drive home from weather men who really shouldnt try to predict something so unpredictable. Yes, it snowed, yes the roads were a little slick, but nothing to panic over.

By the time I got home, I felt like a nervous wreck. I opened the door and could clearly see where one of my kittens had laid in the middle of my Christmas tree. I picked up the ornaments and looked up...and my freezer door was wide open...and this huge piece of hindquarter venison steak was laying in the kitchen floor. The meat was still hard as a rock, and the banquest frozen family dinner packs were still cold so I figured it was fine to keep them...but my ice was melted, my ice cream was melted, my popcicles were melted. I was L-I-V-I-D. Even now, I dont think its funny...and I certainly didnt last night. Last night, I could have killed every single one of my cats. Explain to me how they got the freezer open...because I didnt go in the freezer yesterday morning, and Jeremy didnt leave it open. Once I cleaned up that mess and screamed at them, I proceeded to fix the tree. That led to another melt down of murder.
And since I was in such a good mood, I spent 45 minutes clipping Bjournes nails...he hates that. By the time I had accomplished all of that, I had called and left Jeremy a message that said that if he came home to a smoldering pile of rocks, its no big deal, I just blew the house up with all of us in it.

I am a little stressed...I still have a few people to buy things for, and not enough in my budget to do it. I know it will work out...but after this weekends shopping fiasco, I am afraid to continue!

I haven't been feeling the baby move as much as I was before. I am sure this is normal, considering, you usually dont feel anything until your 20th week...I am 17 weeks now. Not really exciting right now...maybe today is just an I-don't-care mood. I think my place of employeement adds to that. It's bad when you take a sedative just get here in the morning! But one day...I will be able to realize MY dreams. And Jeremy is going to support that.

I hate Tuesdays.

Christmas Shopping....on acid....

Wow...I am so sad that the weekend is over. How I wish that I had a second Sunday.

I spent this weekend Christmas shopping, and maybe it's just me, but I thought people were supposed to embrace the spirit of Christmas. Maybe I have seen too many Christmas movies where everyone is polite and happy. I guess we don't live in a society where that happens.

No, Black Friday rolls around and everyone turns into these little monsters with out of control attitudes and shopping carts!

I am somebody who tries not to let the stress of the season get to me, and I start out each Christmas shopping spree with a good attitude and a warm smile...but let me tell you, that lasts about 2.3 seconds in the first store.
Take Saturday for instance. Jeremy and I went to the Christmas mouse in Williamsburg so that I could get an ornament for my friend. I spent most of the time in line waiting to check out, but the people were friendly and we were chatting, and it was fine.
Apparently, I made my mistake when I suggested we go to some of the stores around the mall. We started out trying to get to Toys R'us. There was a parking space and I pointed it out to Jeremy, who headed in that direction. Apparently, there was a woman in a HUGE truck pulling up to the space at the same time. Technically, we decided, she was there first, and passed on the parking space. Not only did she make the ugliest face I have ever seen, but she proceeded to flip us off. We didnt do anything! Jeremy didnt even attempt to take the space! So, he finds us a parking spot way far out in the nether regions of the parking lot, and we walk to Toys R'us. She was still trying to park that HUGE truck in the space! I have to say that it did give me trite satisfaction to see her struggling to park it. Maybe that will teach her to be a winch. That already moved my mood down a notch.
Next, after we got out of the toy hell, we went over to Bed, Bath and Beyond. We got our things and proceeded to get in line. There were two registers, with two cashiers, and what I assumed was two lines. In the real world, thats how it works. I am standing in line, holding two boxes of breakable things when WHAM! This old lady slams her cart into my pregnant belly. I looked at her, I know, with the look of death on my face. She says "Oh, excuse me. We were all in one line and branching off as a register became available." WE??? Who the hell is we?? There was only HER in a line..so unless she has a mouse in her pocket or multiple personalities she is ONE as in singular. Not TWO as in plural. So, I just stared at her, feeling my blood pressure rise when I said very loudly to Jeremy..."Apparently, we are cutting in line in the world of Candy-freaking-land, and this ol' bitty just slammed her cart into MY PREGNANT BELLY." I was livid. And at that point, it wasnt worth upsetting myself (its not good for the baby, I hear my mother say) and move to the next line, but not before Jeremy says "Well, I am going to need her address and name so that if she harmed our baby, I can sue her for damages."
I think we really did scare her, or at the very least made her uncomfortable.
Number one, I dont give a damn who you are, or what you think someone is doing. You do not, I repeat, you DO NOT slam your cart into ANYONE for ANY reason. Just because she couldnt look at me and tell underneath my zipped coat I was pregnant, doesnt mean she should ram her cart into me. Secondly, she ruined my Christmas mood. The ol' hosebag.
As we moved to the next line, Jeremy kept saying "we shouldnt have moved, we shouldnt have moved." Well, yes we should have, or I was going to jail! I have never been so angry and outraged in all of my Christmas shopping experiences as I was over that. She basically, ran my unborn child over with a metal freaking cart, and technically, she didnt even apologise. Excuse me???? Thats right, EXCUSE YOU is right. She needs to brush up on her Miss Manners column, let me tell you.

Other than that, things seem okay. I am excited about Wednesday....and at this point, its 20 days until Christmas!

My life as a human can opener.....

I have come to the devestating conclusion that my cats and my baby use me for my body. The cats use me for a can opener...I guess they really are at an advantage considering they don't have thumbs....and the baby is just using me as a vessel. It's kind of sad, actually.

Last night was spent cleaning since Jeremy and I will both be busy tomorrow and Sunday never is a day for cleaning. Jeremy even helped. How great was that? We both put in a combined effort and the dishes were done, the bathroom clean, 2 loads of laundry started, vaccuumed and mopped the kitchen floor in about an hour. And we didnt even have one argument. Thats pretty good for us. We can't clean together...it leads to way too many battles!

Jeremy read my blog last night, and was offended that I said he misses the comode. I broke his heart into millions of tiny little pieces, and he managed to show me where in his chest each shard had landed. I suppose I should feel a little chagrined, and maybe for a minute I felt bad...but then I got over it!

Muff was being his usual naughty self last night. Jennifer came over with her huge bag of candy that included any kind of chocolate you can possibly think of ever needing. I love chocolate. My baby loves chocolate....if you are reading this, and don't like chocolate...keep it to yourself. My rule is....do not be disrespectful of the chocolate. Or I will report you to the SPCC- the Society for the Protection of Cruelty to Chocolate. Muff managed to get into the bag and start tearing things out of it. It was sad really. I had to eat all of that chocolate...and yet, I am still surprised I lost 5 pounds. Hmm...maybe pregnancy IS the best diet.

I have had some pain the last few days...so I am thinking, after reading my pregnancy book, that the cramps are just ligaments stretching and what not. However, research on "The Gospel" (please note: the Gospel is MSN.COM) proved that it could be the baby shifting. I don't know. All I know is, if it is my baby moving, then that child better stop using my hip bones as a swing. I do not appreciate the sharp stabs of excruciating pain in my back.
I was wondering last night as I was falling asleep if our baby will have blue eyes and light hair, or dark eyes and dark hair. Jeremy was a blue eyed, blonde haired baby, and I was a dark eyed, dark haired baby. I havent done much research on the odds, but I am wondering. Will our baby favor Jeremy or me? Obviously, a boy will favor Jeremy from at least the waist down, as a girl will resemble me from the waist down...but what will decide the eye color? The hair color? I remember that brown eyes are dominant over blue, but I am not sure. I just want to see what this baby looks like.

I am praying, howver, that our baby gets the best qualities of both of us...and not all of the worse qualities...like Jeremy's stubborness and my sarcasm....I have feeling I struck out in that. When both parents are stubborn...its 100% chance I will have a belligerent child on my hands...

Boy or Girl...

After fixing the damage done to my Christmas tree last night, I sat down and started reading one of pregnancy books I had been given in the beginning of this pregnancy. Nothing can send a woman's heart racing faster than reading about amniocentisis and all of the things that COULD be wrong with her baby. It's scary to read about c-sections (which I may be a candidate for) and epesiotomies...one choice seems just as painful as the next! A c-section is major abdominal surgery....being cut in unmentionable places is pure hell! So why do we women put ourselves through this?? Because we want babies. We want people to ooh and ahhh over our kids. We want to take that step. And in the end, I do think it's worth it.

So, the question now is....did my baby get the Y chromosome?

Funny isn't it how one letter decided the entire being of a little person. It's great. I had an ultrasound on November 9th when I was 13 weeks and 3 days pregnant. As you can see above, I am having a real shy baby....yeah....the child looked right at the camera! And crossed his/her little legs!

I will admit that I am obsessive about this. I don't want to wait to find out what I am getting for Christmas, so this is killing me. I have tried every old wive's tale that I could manage: wedding ring on thread...it said a boy....chinese lunar calendar....it said a boy....my baby's heartbeat was 157 beats per minute...that says girl....I don't know....it's driving my husband insane!

I said the normal mother response..."as long as it's healthy...I don't care..." And I mean that. But I think I want a boy...but I won't be disappointed if I have a girl.

A conversation with co-workers who have boys yesterday almost made me rush home and fervently pray while holding the Holy Bible that it was an X chromosome I had received. Boys ask questions I am not sure I can answer! And can I trust Jeremy, who has ADD himself, to teach our son how to properly urinate without writing neat little scribbles on the wall? I have trained to Jeremy to use bleach wipes if he misses. A three year old is different. What if I am confronted with questions that involve his male parts? Can I answer these questions or will I be one of those mothers who smile with that deer-in-the-headlights-look and calmly say "Ask your father." At least with a girl I can confidently and calmly answer questions about tampons, and bras and deoderant...and I must admit that it would bring me mild amusement to see Jeremy try to explain tampons to our daughter...it makes me giggle just thinking about it. Or see her out on her first date. He's so overprotective now.

My next appointment is on December 7th so I am hoping for some answers to my gender questions. If not, my next shot is December 12th when we go to EVMS for genetic counseling. They have a super-ultrasound and will hopefully have my answer then...until then...our fingers are crossed....that our baby is healthy.