My revolution...

Welcome to my revolution...

I have been really putting some thought into what my New Year's resolution will be. 2005 has been jam packed with a lot of fun times, full of the daily drama, and it had it's hardships too. Most of all, I am excited to end the year and move on so that I am just that much closer to meeting my son! This is my one resolution...to do this without any fear. To become a parent and do it knowing that I will make mistakes, but it will all be okay in the end. This is a really big chance for me! So, for 2006, we are going to live, to love everyday because its a brand new year!

Now that I have posted that, I must move on to lament...please explain to me why men try even LESS to make you feel beautiful when you are pregnant and the size of a small humpback whale? Don't get me wrong, I am not a conceited person, but it really is depressing to get out of the shower and look in the mirror and see ugly red stretch marks around your belly button and your hip bones and the top of your thighs where there used to be pale smooth skin. And then, when your husband calls you by that adorable little nickname you used to like, you know the one, "Jellybean" you are so offended you contemplate chasing him with a hammer. So, he proceeds to tell me that my belly isnt that big, really. And I said, compared to what? The other women in the doctors office that are ready to pop? Jeremys like, well, they have big bellies for pregnant chicks. For starters, most of them would not appreciate being called chicks, secondly, they are like TEN months pregnant. I am 5. I swear, he does nothing to help out the low self esteem you have some days while pregnant. I hope Lucas appreciates this...I thought the human body was a temple, not an art canvas!

I have been having issues sleeping lately, and it sucks really. I get so tired by 7 at night, that I am sure I am just a brat about everything. Last night, Jeremy and I went to go over to my Moms and I was fussing at him because he left my tea pitcher on the porch (he uses it to take Bailey water) and I was so busy fussing that I didnt pay attention to the fact that I moved my soda to rest under my arm, that I was trying to juggle my purse and push the screen door closed that I dropped my can soda on the porch. And of course, I just stood there and watched it fizz all over the wood and then proceeded to blame Jeremy. It was all of his fault because he made me mad and I got confused and dropped my soda. So, I cried, and he laughed at me. Ha Ha very funny. I bet it wouldnt have been so funny if I had kicked him in the shin, huh? I couldnt drink it, it fell on the porch, it had nasties on it now. He set it on a table out there, and this morning, I swear that can of cola was mocking me.
These episodes of despair have been happening to me more and more lately. Its almost as if I am on a timer, and something sets it off and I am either in tears or in a depressed state of mind. Ususally I get over it relatively quickly, but it still happens. Maybe its lack of sleep. I am not sure. But I know one thing...Jeremy is going to divorce me if I dont stop being so hysterical over crazy stuff...I wonder if that falls under the irreconcible differences?