What is it about the holiday season that makes everyone so...emotional? My favorite radio station does a CHKD radio-thon every year in December. And listening this morning really had me misty eyed. Not because of the struggles these little children are going through, but just about life in general.
I am carrying our first child. What if my child is one of the 6 kids in the neonatal unit? Maybe these thoughts go along with the birth defect screenings I had yesterday in addition to the genetic counseling I am going to on Monday. I don't know. But it really touched me that so many people were pledging to donate $15 or more for 12 months to this hospital, where even the nurses get emotional about the patients.
Then somehow, my thoughts went to mine and Jeremy's relationship. If someone had told me 8 years ago that the new kid in the neighborhood who liked to stare at my butt would one day be my husband and I would be having his baby...well, I would have laughed and probably beat the hell out of them! But here I am, 6 years later, dating for 4 almost married for 2, wondering why I found that so hard to believe long ago. Looking back, it was quite obvious he had a thing for me. He was there as I went through and discarded many boyfriends. And it wasn't until his attention turned to some other hosebag that I actually felt jealousy. I knew this chick had a thing for him, and it just bothered me, because she was more his "type". I didnt really have a type, but she was in to the SKA type thing, and that was Jeremy. I will admit it...I hated her. I H-A-T-E-D her. I hated watching her flirt with him while we stood at my car in the parking lot getting ready to leave school, but letting the buses go first. I know there was one day where I would have gladly yanked every hair from her head strand by ugly strand. Maybe he flirted back to get to me...maybe he really did like her...I don't know and I don't care. Then he found out he was moving, and I felt devestated. Did I say anything? No. Why? Because I just didn't. What could I say? I love you, please don't go? Yeah, right. I didn't even know then if that was the truth about how I felt. Right before he left, we all went to the beach, and he threw me in the water. And I remember that he didnt let go of me...was it because he knew I was terrified of that water or was it because he didnt want to let me go either? I dont know. Then he was gone. But...my sister, the dear little winch, managed to get in touch with him, and the next thing I know, we are together hanging out and then it was official...we were together.
And all of that is wrapped up in this baby I am carrying. Mine and his. Ours. Our life together. How we are good together.
And I have to wonder...is it hormones making me think of this stuff and getting teary eyed, or is it the magic of the holiday season?