Sleep in Heavenly Peace

Maybe its the season getting to me. Maybe I have been watching Dr. Suess's "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" cartoon too many times. But theres just something in the air that makes you appreciate your family and all you have around this time of the year. My eyes well with the tears when I think about how this is Lucas' first Christmas and I am so excited. I have been singing Christmas Carols to him all weekend.

I remember when I was a kid, I used to hate it when I would go to family Christmas parties and everyone would say to me, "I remember when you were this big." And they would hold their hands inches apart or like, 2 feet from the floor. I usually would just smile and shoot past them, humiliated that they reminded me of that. Why would I want to be reminded that I was once small enough to fit in your hands when I am trying to be all grown up??

But now, I have empathy for those people. Watching Lucas grow as much as he has in the past 7½ months has made me realize what a shock it is to see that. Voicing the shock seems to help it sink in, especially when you feel like you havent changed at all.

There he is, chugging into toddlerhood, and I feel like it was just yesterday that I found out I was pregnant. Hes been so lenient with us...as new parents. Hes been there through the mistakes, the accidently letting him roll off of the couch and all of those other things that make you wonder if they will even live to see the age of 1. But there he is, thriving and growing and grasping new concepts, saying new words. Sure, he still loves his pacifier. But pretty soon, it will be something else. And before I know it, he will be wanting to borrow my car. I remember about a month before he were born, being in the hospital with complications due to my foot, and just listening to his heartbeat. That steady, wonderful sound that put my mind at ease. And now, I can hear his breathing when hes sleeping on me in the recliner. All of these things are going to be the things that I will remember no matter what happens or how things change.

And at the end of the day...hes still my son...even if in my mind, I am already watching him ride away into his own life.....