What did you do today? That's usually the first question I ask Lucas when we are all strapped in the truck and on our way home. Like I expect my 7 month old to answer me. Sure. He would answer "DaDa" And shake his rattle. Most of the time, he is holding the stuffed giraffe on his car seat bar. I think that its his first nonrelative friend. But, its this question that gets me thinking: What did I do today? Uhhh...hmmm. Lucas vomiting on my outfit and making me change as I am getting him into the car seat swirls in my mind. A few trivialities. Oh! And then I remember: 1.) I got Lucas ready. 2.) I dropped him off. 3.) Went to work and ran around like a chicken with no head. 4.) Picked Lucas up from the babysitters. I swear, my explanantions need to leave room for long, rambling footnotes. These 4 things dont even begin to explain one day. Not one. They sum it up. But to really get the gist of it, to really get to the meaty part of the day, you need details. Not just the mundane stuff. Unfortunately, its the mundane stuff I remember. Thats the beauty of being a working mom. You do so much that you cant always remember everything.
Like 1.) I am already running late for work, Lucas has thrown up on my top and down my pants, so I am in the bedroom, yanking jeans out of drawers, shirts off of hangers, looking in the mirror and knowing that I am fat, and just hoping that this diet continues to work. Rush out of the bedroom, get jacket, get keys, get to the door, go back and get giggling Lucas, convince Bjourne he doesnt want to go to work with me. Get to the truck.
2.) Get stuck in traffic...brake lights as far as the eye can see. Radio playing crappy music....search for cd mix...finally, an hour later get to the babysitters...set everything down on the floor with massive relief, because I have practically no upper body strength (but why don't I? I'm always heaving.) Explain what they need to know about Lucas' morning, feeding schedule and instructions and then rush to work.
3.) Get to work. Do so many different things that I dont even remember half of them.
4.) Pick Lucas up from the babysitter and put him in the truck, crying. I sing to him: "Baby Belooooga, Baby Baloooooooga, I love you so!!!" I will spare you the rest of the details. It usually works. Sometimes it doesnt. So, I say to him: "I wish I had a mechanical pair of arms, right here," and I tap the dash board. "That way, we could safely wrap you up in them and you would be happy." Then we start singing Silent Night. Usually after the first verse, hes asleep.
But even that doesnt correctly sum up my day. I guess you just have to be there.
Lucas is doing wonderful with eating solid foods. Unfortunately, this has led to the weaning process. Hes better about it then I am. I am the one crying and in the 5 stages of grief.
Denial: No, no. Pumping twice at work and only getting 4 ounces altogether is normal and fine. No worries.
Anger: What the hell kind of crap is this?? 7½ months of breastfeeding, and this is the thanks I get?? What a crock!
Bargaining: Okay, no big deal. I'll just pump 3 times at work. That way I can get a little more milk.
Depression: Why am I such a failure??
Acceptance: You nursed him for 7½ months when you had nothing but trouble in the beginning. You didnt give up. Never, ever. And its normal....deal with it and move on. You are a wonderful mama.
So, thats the end of breastfeeding for Lucas. And its a little painful. Just a little. But the bright side is, I might can wear some of my prettier bras. Lets face it: maternity bras are not pretty. Least of all sexy.
Lucas is crawling just a little bit. He says DaDa and doggy and bye. Its so cute. And theres just something about the way he looks at you with those big blue eyes and you just know that he cant wait to be like you, to do what you are doing.
Why didnt someone tell me that they grow up this quickly??
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