What's My Age Again?

I have been reading other people's posts on their blogs, and they are all reflecting on lifes journies and what made them who they are today. So, I decided that since 2 of my friends shared some of their inner most private stories, that I would talk a little bit about my background. Just understand, that its not that interesting!

For starters, I grew up in a much different setting then my husband did. He grew up in a more city setting with close neighborhoods and lots of friends. He did some things that hes not real proud of, but we arent here to talk about him, now, are we? I grew up in a little town, where I still live, that is sort of backwood's country. At least it used to be. Now we have all these city people moving in and they are bringing their attitudes and rudeness with them. But, for the most part, Gloucester kind of embodies the southern/waterman personality. Do not associate me with Guinea. That is a country of it's own. I dont even travel into Guinea. They are their own little community. I live further north. Where there are country stores where you can get barbeque and chips for supper and a good cup of coffe for $1.
Everything was fine until around 99 and my father started to get really sick. All of the time. The doctors diagnosed him with different things, but it turned out that he has alpha1antitrypsinimmunodeficeincy disease. Thats a pretty big thing for a 15 year old to know about. And that was just when he was diagnosed. He hadn't worked for 2 years. So there was no money coming in from him. Just Mama. Well, we weren't making it. So, I got a job as soon as I could, and I would deposit money in her checking account every 2 weeks. Before that, I used my babysitting money to buy groceries. Don't get me wrong, we got what we needed, but not a lot of extras. I worked as many hours as I could and still went to school. I didnt get to hang out with my friends very much. Where my co-workers were my age and going to movies and buying cd's, I was worried about the power and the mortgage. I helped raise my sister because Mama worked and Daddy was sick a lot. I cooked, I cleaned, I took care of him, I helped her with her homework. We went to court a lot and fought the shipyard where he worked because they made his disease so much more than it would have ever had been because they didnt provide the proper safety equipment men like Daddy needed. My grandfather worked in the same shipyard, and my uncle works there also. Papaw died of emphysema and asbestosis, never smoked a day in his life. I used to go and hock Mama's jewelry and cry after I did it because I knew what a sacrifice it was for her. In the end, all she had was her wedding set. But she never let me see her cry. We lost our case twice and everytime it was so devestating. In 2001, a friend of mine, Jeremys and Charlies committed suicide. And I felt so guilty. And the most heartbreaking part, was her 8 year old sister Kylie asking me if Christine didnt love them anymore. It was hard enough to deal with that pain, but all I could say through my own tears was no baby, no, she loved you, she just didnt love herself enough. Even today, 6 years later, I still am haunting by those little blues eyes, with tears pouring out of them. I havent talked to her Mom since she left. I still carry the guilt. I always will. In 2002, I was in a horrific car accident. I was t-boned, and my car looked like a horse shoe. The guy hit the drivers side of my car so hard that he broke the passenger front seat, and crushed my seat completely around my body. My friend that was in the car, unhooked her seat belt and got out the back door thats how jacked up the car was. I couldnt get out, I was trapped. There was smoke and gas everywhere. I had glass in my thigh, I stupidly reached down and yanked that out, so I was bleeding. My friends face was cut, so she was bleeding pretty bad, and it was all over her, all over me, we didnt know who was hurt. I had been stabbed in the abdomen by God only knows what. It was 2 little holes that looked like a snake bite. I still have the scar right below my belly button. I couldnt feel my legs. Mama had just had surgery and my Dad and sister were at the store for her, and I called her and told her I had been in an accident. The rescue squad had to break the seat to get me out. I still couldnt feel my legs. It turned out I broke my pelvis on both sides. I couldn't walk. If you can't walk you cant work. I can't work, we have no money. Well, I had the ct scans and everything, had a little internal bleeding, but was for the most part ok. They wanted to admit me to the hospital, and I refused. We couldnt pay that bill. So, I went home, against their advice, and laid in the pull out bed of the couch. I had to pee in a bucket off of the edge of the bed, because I could slide myself to the foot of the bed. After about a week, when the bones didnt grind together everytime I moved, I instructed Daddy to get me a computer chair. And I would slide onto it from the bed and pull myself through the house. I could slide on to the toilet at that point. I could lower myself into the bath tub. 2 weeks after the accident, I had to get up on crutches and basically learn to walk again by myself. I didnt do it when anyone was home because they pushed me and expected too much. Daddy was going to a job counseling center to see if they could find him something, anything, to do. They couldnt. No one wants to hire a terminally ill man. I made myself get stronger everyday, and I went back to work. That was in March, in May, Daddy called me at work and told me that the judge had ruled in his favor. We won. I remember falling on the floor because my legs gave out. I fought so hard all those years, and now, it had paid off. But I felt so much older then 19.

But all of that got me where I am now. I met Jeremy, got married, have a beautiful baby, and Daddy is holding steady at 97% lung capacity. And I still take care of him. Old habits are hard to break. But in the end, I know I wont and dont have any regrets. Everything happened for a reason. Even if it didnt seem good at the time, most of the events made all of us closer. I wouldnt change a thing.