What is up with swimwear?

I am trying to decide whether we are at that point in the season where things are pretty much picked over, or if swimsuit companies are trying to send out a message that if you are anything bigger then a 12, you dont belong in a bathing suit. Yesterday was the most depressing day I have had since Lucas was born. Don't get me wrong: I had a few days after he was born where I would just stand in the shower and sob, but it passed. This was an all out depressing situation. I went on the search for a bathing suit, because since I am nursing, my bathing suit from last year, well, lets just say, my cups runneth over. I go to hecht's so that I can use my Macys card. Nothing. It was either size 8 or size 22W. By the time I left there, I was feeling a little low. I know, I just had a baby 3 months ago. But I cant help it. I am leaving for vacation next Saturday. The thought of getting into a swimsuit makes me sick.

Lucas is great. God love him, he woke up this morning all grins and smiles, and it nearly broke my heart to leave him. I never realized that being a parent was so wonderful. Even on bad days, its wonderful. I can't believe that this time last year, I was sitting in the bathroom, waiting for the answer on the little white stick. I can't believe that at first I felt utter panic when I saw the plus sign. And dread, as the plus became more pronounced. There I was, sitting on the edge of the tub, by myself, holding the answer in my hands, trying to figure out how to tell Jeremy. But then suddenly, I remember feeling elated joy. I was pregnant. There was a baby growing in there. Who cared what anyone else thought? I was having a baby. I already knew it was a boy. I just knew it. I remember when I was driving to work, and felt him kick me for the first time. It was awesome. So, everytime I feel down about myself, I am going to think about all of that, and feel good all over again.

I am looking forward to my vacation. I need to get away from all of the stress of my life. Chaos follows me everywhere, I swear! I am looking forward to the beach, nights out on the balcony. Nights in the pool. Nights up late playing cards...too bad its only a week!