Just a nightly update...

I actually feel a little silly right now. I really think I feel alone, and thats not true, I know. But I am the kind of person that needs to be happy in all aspects of life, and when I am not happy in one, it sucks whatever happiness I have in the others out and leaves everything feeling just a little empty. And I am not sure how to fix it. But I can't keep losing sleep over it either. My mind just wont stop racing, and if I had just a few hours to sort it out. I can't be this unsturdy. I kind of feel like this is over my head, but underneath my feet, and I am sure that by tomorrow morning I'll have it figured out. But until then, I just hope that someone catches me if I fall out of what I fell in, and not be surprised if I collapse down on the floor again. I am sure that makes no sense to anyone reading this, but it makes absolute sense to me. So, here I am, blogging, when I should be sleeping. Ms. Charlotte died on Monday, and I went to her funeral today. I felt strange because try as hard as I might, I couldnt cry. It makes me wonder if she was there willing me not to. And I know one thing is for certain, she looked at peace lying there, and thats what she needed. And I am going to miss her stories and everything, but shes somewhere better now. And thats good for her. Lucas had his hearing test today and passed. My son isnt deaf. I think little Missy's cancer is back, and that just devestates me. I save these animals and then they die anyways. No, she isnt dead yet, but I fear its coming if we havent caught the cancer in time. I cant take another death, human or animal right now. God, first Bailey, and then Ms. Charlotte, and now maybe Missy, and Jeremy is so unhappy he cant stand it. I just feel like everything is falling apart, and I dont know how to fix it. I have got to get bed...Lucas is crying, and Jeremy is probably wondering where I am. I will get through this...