Memorial Day, Monday...

Okay, so yesterdays post was a little bitchy and a lot whiny...but I guess I have an excuse...I am a new mother and I was frustrated...and I meant every word that I typed. So, I decided that I would try to follow up with a positive post.

Lucas is getting better with nursing. I only supplement him with formula when I absolutely have to. However, because the breastfeeding is coming along so much better, and we have the latch down to a science, my nipples feel like they have hot pokers shooting through them. This is a new development since last night, so I may call the lactation consultant tomorrow and see if thats a normal sensation or something I should be concerned about. Its great having an awesome insurance policy...they pay the lactation consultant as long as my consultations fall within the first 8 weeks after birth. After that, I have to pay something. But, when I am sitting there, in the dark all alone, nursing him, it gives me ample enough time to think. And I have found myself thinking of all of the things that I want to teach him. I want him to learn to walk with others as an equal, to treat the ones that love him and care about him with respect, and try not to let others have a negative effect on him. Because other people who lay their problems and issues down on you can make you overweight with worry, and I dont want that for him. I can't wait until I can teach him how to read, and how to write, and how to walk. Its all something that I am looking forward to.

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant again, with another boy...maybe thats a premonition that I will be having another baby eventually in my life (at least 2 years down the road) and it will be a little boy. So much for a little girl, but I could be surprised. I had a dream about Lucas 2 years before I had him. And it was almost right on. I had that baby in May, I had Lucas in May, and he looks just like that baby did in my dream. So, I am trusting my dreaming mind. Lucas will obviously have a little brother at some point.

I am a little worried about my brother-in-law. It seems he and his wife have entered into a "legal separation". And I know how much he loves her, and I could see how much he was hurting, and its sad, because I can't help him. Sure, I could send her an email and let her know that I am here for her, but would she believe me? Would she open it? Or would she just delete it, and move on? I am not sure I want to interfere, either. I dont my brother mad at me, but I dont like being so powerless when someone in the family is hurting, and I am sure shes hurting too. I couldnt imagine leaving Jeremy. Its hurts to see those 2 apart, I dont think I could do it myself even if I wanted to. Jeremy and I have had our share of problems, but we always seem to triumph over them and come out together and stronger. But I did talk to him yesterday, and he seemed to be as okay as he can be, so I am a little comforted in the fact that he wont do something stupid or crazy. I need Lucas to have both uncles around for a long time...

Well, I guess I better run....I have some things to take care of. Until next time, my fellow bloggers...