And then there was a funeral procession...

Today has just been a mess! Well, a mess I created anyways...I woke up late, because I turned off the alarm and went back to sleep. You would think that on my last week of work before I have this baby that I could make that extra effort to get up and get there on time, but no such luck. Effort stops the second I hit the bed! Even dinner doesnt stand a chance, hence our meal last night of the McDonalds latest. I feel awful and I keep telling myself tomorrow I will cook, but these IOU's tend to go uncollected.

I went to my doctors appointment this afternoon and got stuck by a funeral procession. I kept trying to hint to Jeremy that he should get in the right lane to guarantee that we could get to the hospital, but he refused to get over saying at first, it was illegal to break a funeral procession (well, people do it.) and then refusing because it was wrong. I said a prayer for the departed soul, told Jeremy they were being rocked in the sweet arms of Jesus, Amen, now please, put on your blinkers and jump in. Of course, he wouldnt. So, I had 8 minutes to waddle across 3 parking lots (expectant mother parking is for old men without handicap stickers. Not a damn space has a pregnant woman parked in it. What a joke.) And then he cant remember if he locked the car, so, he has to walk back over there and check the car. Then we get inside and I get in the elevator and start pounding on the "closed door" button because I wanted to be alone in the elevator with my husband. I get up to the doctors office and they inform me that my check up doctor is delivering a baby, but the lady is pushing, so he shouldnt be much longer. I said, let me see whoever is available, dont rush the doctor. My blood pressure was up. Jeremy told me I was being evil, and I threw my shoes at him. The doctor came in and checked me and everything was fine, she wanted to know if I had made a decision on birth control...abso-freaking-lutely...he isnt getting any. EVER. Hows that for birth control? It wont happen...because I still have needs, so I guess I'll take a pill. Whatever. They said the heat could have something to do with my blood pressure being up (or maybe the drive over?) But when you work in an office that is hovering around 2 degrees below Hell, what do you expect?

I was thinking about what characteristics Lucas may end up sharing with other members of my family. Like Jeremy and Daddy for instance: "Why talk when you can yell?" seems to be their credo. Everything from "Honey..poUR ME A DRIIIIINNNNNNK!" to "Diane! I need some more COFFEE!" is shouted, even when I'm standing right next to them. There's no such thing as an "inside voice" for those two — they're strictly outdoor men. I keep reminding them to turn down the volume, but after talking normal for a few words they crank their voice right back up to a heavy-metal screech. I wonder if Lucas will have that characteristic, his motto being, I may be little, but you will NOT ignore me! And I notice that my father really doesnt have a lot of patience anymore. Maybe because he is 5 days shy of 50, maybe because he is sick and even though he doesnt show it, its still there. But I reminded him the other day when he was fussing at Maverick that he would not have the option to pull Lucas' ears back until the whites of his eyes showed and threaten to roll him in a mudhole. He doesnt hurt the dog, its more amusing than anything, honestly, but he assured me he would try to control my son in the same manner. Right. Grandparents dont discipline. Thats why they are grandparents.

My house is awful. Its cluttered and just downright embarrassing. I just havent had time or the stamina to keep up with the ever mounting amount of work. There are baby gifts everywhere. Not that I am not grateful because I am, but I just havent had time to put it all away. My room has clothes scattered all over it. This morning, I went in the closet to get some of my sleeveless maternity tops out, and saw my old gap jeans. I cant believe my ass was ever that small. And it never will be again. With tears in my eyes and an exasperated look, I slammed the closet door. I know I am pregnant. I know things will change. But I am kidding myself if I think I will ever be like I was before, and I thought I was fat then. I have to work on that when I am able. I keep telling myself that I will be able to do it. But deep down I am just not sure.

Bjourne has been testing my patience lately too. And usually, I am really patient with him, but recently, hes started this new thing where when you tell him no to stop doing something, he repeats the offense in slow motion as if its charming. Whether its eating Mavericks puppy chow, stealing Mavericks treat because he inhaled his, stomping Maverick or hitting people (yes my dog hits.) he keeps doing it. The other night, I just snapped. I yelled at him: "Bjourne, how many times do I have to tell you to STOP SITTING ON THE PUPPY, DAMNIT!" And he looked at me with this look like he couldnt believe that I used THAT tone with THAT language directed towards him, and then just flopped on the ground. He avoided me for the rest of the night and most of the next morning. And I felt awful, because while I was frustrated with him, my reaction gave away that I obviously had I little more anger than I realized. So, I am working on that.

Well, I need to finish this work I have here....one more day...